CLUES
sch is still ever so confusing. why cnt we live together in harmony? why must ppl still cont to pretend?? why must ppl still cont to hate others? wy must ppl still cont to be bootlickers? why must ppl still cont to be selfish? why must ppl ACT? nhss 102 is a very dangerous environment to live in. study in..tt is. but its becoming sorta my second home liaos. coz i lyk..spend time with the ppl there more than at home. at home im lyk married to my com. sheesh. because im more of myself when im online. when im outside i tend to be more "inexpressive" i guess..and when im online im more "expressive" coz im like more open with stuff..yep yep..and i just say wadever i want (not inclusive of vulgarities) but im more "crude" online la..HAHA..oh well..
yep and then the best thing is..ppl cnt see my expression when im online. wad im feeling..lyk tt time..when i was so close to tears i still told this person to tell me more abt sth..in the end i just broke down and went offline..-.- yah tt was ages ago la..still remember tt it was a thursday i think. then the next day i was so filled with hatred. everything irked me. and i just wanted to cry. sheesh. anyways..all of tt all over liao. hmm..actually now i havent really threw all of my probs la. still got one more i havent got rid of. but im trying to. sheesh. maybe i shld just call the whole thing off. yep. but not to my "upset" self la. just..be normal and not try force myself to forget abt stuff. not lyk bryan. hes really taking it seriously. everything also "suan le" and "i dun care"...sheesh.
now ppl are lyk..ahem..maybe i shld go tell him myself and not display it here where anyone can just read. but i kw tt only a few are actually reading la..sheesh..ppl are really..selfish.
they just want everything to turn out their way. wishful thinking. even I do think lyk this. but life is life. there are just ever so many ppl in our lives. we cnt get wad we want all the time. hmm..just complied three love stories. heart-shattering neh.
hmm..just hope tt everyone can be as true lor..then just hope tt ppl will change for the better and erm..lyk so-called not attract attention to their ownselves...(ahem ahem..im not talkin abt myself) aiyah i very lame la sheesh. anyways..just to clear up some misunerstandings i guess..i shall say this:
"im not trying to make ppl like me or whatsoever so i treat them nice or sth..but i just hope tt ppl will do the same to me and treat me the same way. (yah im asking for too much..im not supposed to expect any returns) budden hor..all im wishing for now is to let all misunderstandings pass.."
sheesh..lyk some speech lyk tt..sheesh..oh well. i cnt really say for myself tt im SO true. coz i DO change wad i wanna say. to make it less offensive la..coz ppl have been saying tt im offensive..sheesh.
haiz..just hope tt ALL will pass, the good days will come. and the old hated days will go. they will. they HAVE TO. i dun care. im gonna lose myself again. yep yep. looking for a place to lose myself into liaos. then i will totally exist in tt world only. and nowhere else. keep me frm myself first. if not i really wanna kill them sia.. sheesh. haiz..now im lyk..trying to keep myself frm discriminating others lor..keep myself frm judging others...if not i'll really think tt evryone's so fake. sheesh. dun wan it to end up tt way. haiz..im really troubled with this matter lor. i'll just think tt whether this person is fake or not. its driving me nuts. sheesh.
aiyah i really shld stop all these crap. sorry to those who have been reading me crap for days..for all this time. sheesh. i sound lyk im dying.. AIYAH
i simply MUST go.
haiz..im home alone again lor...just now stayed back in sch for SOME reason..wanted to hear mr ya crap. budden he let them off early...SHEESH. so irresponsible..haha..then when we got back to class yx mh and louis were left. then louis was troubling over his summary..hee..then suddenly mh's mom called..-.- then in the end yx asked louis to take the phone. HAHA then in the end dawn and i went home..yep with zeren. yep..then they left me alone.......sheesh. hee..then took the same bus as louis and another guy whom i see almost everyday at the bus stop. haha..then was like..listening to my discman. sommore so sian. sheesh.
yesterday they had a water fight..leon mh yx xr and bryan the innocent one was also splashed..HAHA.
then i was the only one not wet. hee..
oh well
privileges of being a gal and studying...HAHA..
wa kao. today the acc thingy..sheesh. they delay until lyk wad lor..and keming was lyk cursing and swearing..erms. maybe not until TT extent. but he was definitely bu shuang. they let us off at abt 3.05..hee
oh well..then today we had to do the compo lor. yep..mabe, bryan's and xh's was given out to hte whole class..hee..then mabe talked abt tt time tt incident..abt the rotten eggs thingy. ACTUALLY. i hoped tt she had insulted the teacher more. HAHA..aiyah..too bad she din. but it was nice anyways. all those chi freaks..so shuang..hmm..i think i really demote to express le la. budden listened to bryan's LECTURE on it..i also scared...........SHEESH
just fo my best and then when i get the results i can just freak out and TADA.
i dunno wad may happen. but i hope tt its supposed to be positive la..sheesh.
think tt nw im lyk..more apart frm dawn and zr lehs..(yah maybe i purposely say this coz both of them may happen to read this) budden i doubt so......haiz.........
sian leh..dunno wad may become of us..maybe its coz of some outisde influence?? or the "physical distance" as jh had put it. maybe. maybe not. maybe its just me.
yep. the prob lies with me. if only i can try to be at peace with everyone. and try to like everyone. yah tts impossible lor. forcing myself to lyk this person when i dont. sheesh. if i cant get along with this person, i cnt. wad for force myself?? how silly of me..sheesh
oh well
better go now. think tt i shld go study or sth. yah. IN THE DARK. sheesh.
haha..now im in sch..apparently..tt mr SR has asked us to come to the com lab..sheesh..................................
wah din wanna come..i think hes using the fact tt MOST of us like to come to the com lab..SCHEMING..
hahahaha..haiz..still owe tt mr lee heng han one more jian bao..was planning to do it during eng lesson...........-.-
now he go spoil my plan..........sheesh..oh well..at least here can enjoy the air con..hehehe..sheesh..dawn also updated her blog!! ahahhahah..anyways nby shld be reading this now..HAHAHA
oh well
haiz..just hope tt later on ms yo wouldnt nag as us again...........SHEESH
she SURE compare us to tt 1-12 again lors.(i wonder if its even true)
hahahaha
oh well
haiz..SIAN..tt mr ya i think..doesnt have any plans for today or sth..so he brought us here...sheesh..haiz....
SIAN AR..too bad lor..nby to chat now...aiyah im not supposed to anyways..hee..
yah anyone reading this in sch must be feeling very bored now..agree??
haiz..im talking to myself again..zr couldnt log on..hee..now shes watching dawn do sth..sheesh.
think i better end off liao..wait this entry full of all the "sheesh" and the "haiz"
HAHAH..oh well..
must be the air con tts affecting me..sheesh
sheesh..today's mid-autumn festival..mom and sis went to smallest aunt place. im home alone AGAIN. oh well...at least i have the ever so much mooncakes for accompany..-_-
sheesh..oh well. finally dropped my tooth today..no la..i was eating dinner..then lyk very pain..then when i finished i forced my sleeping mom to get rid of it..and TADA. its gone.
oh well................................sheesh..moon was red when i came home..hee..later go check again..must see the ever so nice moon. hee.
sheesh..think tt i better go eat mooncake..ALONE. wa kao..i celebrate alone. hahahaha..oh well..i lyk being alone anyways..yah today they all one by one left me in sch lors..zeren..then jh and jj..then bryan............sheesh..
oh anyways..i work better without any disturbance..
sheesh..i think i better go finish my hw..and study!! yay..hee
oh well
im going bonkers
wish me all the best!!
yep yep..heys btw..im so surprised tt i pass math..LOTSA careless mistakes..wa wanna knock my head..if not could have gotten more than 50 liaos..sheesh..
okie okie..till someday!! (moz likely tmr la duh)
haiz..dunno leh..every night im just so addicted to the com. (see wad im doing now) yah furthermore exams coming le..sheesh..so i shall get this over and done with. life's getting worse each day. yesterday sorta had a tiff with bryan. AGAIN. yah then after tt we went over to vic's place..then saw shawn, one of her best friends. haha..he really looked MUCH diff frm the last time i saw him. sheesh. heez..okie okie..then went online with some difficulty..then rushed through everything..rushed home and waited for ORDERS frm jh..(yah jh's the boss) hahahahha..oh well. then horz..waited for him to finish..then slept at 12 plus..haha..then this morning i woke up...sheesh..bus must wait long long then come...sheesh
then in the morning hor..must present..then got quite a lot of marks lor..must really thank jh..(hes the boss of coz la)
hahahaha
oh well..
then after tt had the lit test. wah totally disastrous..luckily was open book last ten mins neh..then some unseen prose. sheesh. CHEEM ar..they la. got eng dun use use cheemology..sheesh..
then had the hist presentation..hee..fell asleep during bryan's grp's presentation..mdm yip la!! talk so long..in the end got waken up by jojo calling me frm outside the classroom.. wah so diu lian..HAHA..oh well..then after tt went to eat lor..then after tt went back to class..then had chi..sheesh...
then had sci. gee..ms chng la. come so late. class really ar..WAH WORSE THAN THE SINGING SESSIONS TT NIGHT!! sheesh. we have TWO councillors, ONE CHAIRMAN, one vice-chair. PLS LA. THREE ppl in charge..dun they feel the NOISE pollution as well?? humph..they also ADDING to the noise pollution lor..sheesh. and i was there sulking away with all the noise...sheesh.
wah i starting to hate 1-2. all the fakers. esp the gals. now i only on quite gd terms with a FEW of the gals lor. guys not alot either..only two or three..the rest dun bother la. i think they also dun think much of me lor..sheesh..very saddening lehs..oh well..im not supposed to fret abt it horz..okie i dun liaos..hah.
today went to watch a movie!! hees..erm my mom and i went to watch jackie chan's newest movie..the wad..'a new police story' or sth..hahaha..NICE neh. quite hilarious..and erms..quite thrilling too..hee..
okie..i gtg finish my hw..but i doubt tt i can. oil running out. mood FINISHED. really. its GONE. dun think tt it'll ever come back..hahaha..oh well..BRYAN HELP ME.
sheesh..im too reliant on ppl liaos..haiz.........wad to do..i so weak..-.-
nvm....................................
am i the only one who updates my blog everyday...............sheesh. yah lyk everyday im so bored to bits. sheesh. aint there ANYTHING in life tt i can rejoice over?? nah..there's nth. NTH. some life..gee. THIS kinda life i den dun wan.......................haiz. still gots lotsa homework havent finish neh. wah dun feel like carrying on with life anymore.. not tt i feel lyk dying.. well i DO la. dun feel lyking LIVING. sheesh. living for nth. sheesh. tmr got the project work presentation. abt the freaking umbrella. sheesh...
wa kao..i go do homework le la. i still owe mr lee heng han homework. sheesh. he so ji jiao.. little bit of homework oso nag...sheesh
sheesh. its a saturday night. and wad. ppl at the garden celebrating mid-autumn festival already. sheesh. pls lor. they even have some singing programme. they are still singing.. sheesh. horrible la. they better pay for the number of puke bags i used. they sure bankrupt ar!! crazy neh. think tt LOVE their absolutely horrible singing?? yea right. not in a million years. unless the trend by then is to love horrible singing. sheesh. why isnt ANYONE online? okay theres jiacheng xinrong lohyee and xing xian online..aiyah..budden sheesh.. dunno wad to say la.
but i hope tt the ppl i want to chat with comes online. hah. nobody in particular la.. oh yah..today went for gb in the morning. then we had to change into our uniform in 10 mins...then after tt had to change back into red camp tee and skirt. sheesh. hah. then we had ballon sculpturing!! wah so fun..then no drill!! YAY. oh yah..den we had to erm. "manipulate" the air..tts wad the mr watson said anyways. hah. aiyah..then hor erm..i had to leave early for netball..sheesh. then so lazy lor..yah hit my eye. ouch.
sheesh. i feel lyk sleeping..
aiyah dun talk liao..think better stop here.....
haha..today got cme we sang a song. it was horrible la..at the starting there hor..dawn and i sing so softly..ppl also say quite inaudible..actually wanted to redo..budden the others lyk dun agree..hahaha..okie lor..nvm..anyways..i changed my song to the midi of "that thing you do", the tune tt we sang to...hah. okie okie..here are the lyrics..we added in an extra verse ourselves la..haha. okie here goes..
That Thing You Think
Girl, thinking that thing you think
Crying over some silly foolish guy
Like you always do
And you, you are just wasting your time
That guy isn't worth the pain you've been through
And all the tears you've cried
So you try and try to forget him, girl
But it's just so hard to do
'Cause you just can't get him out of your mind
Girl, you can't play with love
Love is very serious to everyone
You can't fool around it
True love, can last for a very long time
It's not like obsession which will fade off
After a period of time
What do you do when the one you adore
Just won't like you back
How can you-u
Deal with all the heartache
So you, can you see it now
See the difference between crush and love
Crush is temporary
And you, don't give in too fast
Loving somebody ain't that easy
please choose your valentine well
So you try and try to forget him, girl
But it's just so hard to do
'Cause you just can't get him out of your mind
Do you understand now
The difference between them
True love lasts forever
But crush will never, it's just a feeling
Love, is a blissful thing
It can keep you right up on cloud nine
And get rid of your worries
So you try and try to forget him, girl
But it's just so hard to do
'Cause you just can't get him out of
'Cause you just can't get him out of
'Cause you just can't get him out of your mind...
hee..plus lor..wah..the second group i think..louis they all..wa kao. sing until so nice. now then i realise that louis can really sing. SOME voice he has..hahaha..havent break yet mah..hee..bryan also.. out of all the groups i can only hear the two of them and the other two frm yifang's group singing..sheesh..only can hear 4 guys singing out of 13 NICELY. sheesh. jinhong and tt dunno who also sang la..but cnt really figure the words out..sheesh..jinhongs voice "protruding" lor..so deep. hee
haha..yah..i think the group tt performed best was actually yifang's group lor.action neh..haha..plus they were VERY audible..and the song also nice neh..wah ying liao lor..haha..then the next is bryan's group lor..haha..hee.. i gave the both groups the same points outta 10. i gave them 8. hahaha. oh well...
yep..so now i know that louis can bryan CAN sing. haha..the others okie okie la..if not they din sing.........sheesh
hee..okie dun say liao..but we really lyk shit lor..so lan. gee..
heh..i changed my background song liao..haha..this is also one of my favourites..from "anastasia"..
here's the lyrics..
Once Upon A December
Dancing bears,
Painted wings,
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December.
Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...
Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...
Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart
Used to know,
Things it yearns to remember...
And a song
Someone sings
Once upon a December
...
i failed my chinese oral...
WHY?! okie i shldnt be asking tt question coz i know perfectly well WHY..
but..WHY?! why shld i fail..THE TOPIC WAS SO DIFFICULT. the tuesday one was MUCH easier..
I FAILED MY ORAL. OMG. I FAILED MY ORAL. i think tt im the lowest in class..coz i failed. sheesh...im lyk so dead lor..PLS LA. nxt year im gonna go to express anyways...wads the diff? no diff..precisely lor..sheesh..
haha..nvm lor. i dun really care anyways...yah we had to rehearse for acc..HAHA..so funny lor!! keming and bryan and louis and keith..HAHA..they so funny..then got one part keming was supposed to throw the "knife" at keith but in the end threw it to bryan..HAHA..so funny..
then keming also "stabbed" jiajun for nth..-.-
HAHAHA..so funny..justine and i supposed to stand behind keith and one of us supposed to fan him..sheesh..ahhahahah
oh well..i think tt it'll be VERY fun..hee..
oh well..yah tmr is the cme thingy..now dawn and zeren or kuolyn online..hah. then i just have to wait lor..wad else? hee..haiz..scared leh..sing in frnt of the whole class...hee..and hor..tmr keith supposed to sing..hope tt we'll be provided with free puke bags la..
no la..just kidding..i think we also have to provide puke bags..two for each person..i sing so horribly one..-.-
HAHA..anyways..i met ee lin and her friends on the bus..chio neh..not lyk me..so extra..sheesh..haiya nvm..i still have to do jian bao, shen huo shui bi, si han and redo art homework...
sheesh..now ive decided..okie okie..back to yesterday night..now gonna tell u wad they said liao..
okie okie..the first guy..lets call him erm..guy 1.
guy 1-
question: wad is love in ur eyes?
ans:
-an emotion
-a feeling lor..for someone..
-like..nice lor..
-when u r with the person u feel ar ease..
-u feel like u can do anything under the sky..
question: is love supposed to hurt?
ans:
-well...sometimes..
(why)
-coz like u see the other person sad u also sad lor..
-then sometimes the other person cannot notice ur feelings..then also sad lor..
question: u think tt love can be an obsession?
ans:
-yea..if u dunno how to control ur emotions..
question: so do u think tt it is STILL love?
ans:
-yup..but very "evil" way la
-mostly its coz one person dun have enought trust in the other..
-or that person too insecure..no confidence..
question: so..is this the right way to love someone?
ans:
-obviously not
question: is loving somebody in the wrong way right?
ans:
-its like..overdose of medicine like that
question: so..do u think tt its right to love somebody?
ans:
-no right no wrong
-sth like..
-ur own thoughts and feelings la..
- some ppl more emotional..
- some ppl more rational..
question: wad do u think is the "right" way to love someone
ans:
-show care lor..but not until like u wanna noe evrything she does..
question: wad is love supposed to be..selfish?
ans:
- if its two-way..
-then u noe that u will always be the one in the other's heart..so no need to worry lor..
- i think love shldnt be selfish..
- coz u want the best for the person u like rite?
- u want them to be happie rite?
question: if u had to "paint" love..
ans:
- maybe..blue?
-yea..i very pessimistic
question: wad do u think ppl who are in love do?
ans:
-i dun go around asking what ppl do to their stead
question: wad do u want to do to urs?
ans:
-nth
- seriously..nth..
- maybe give hints..
-or show my feelings..bit by bit..
question: wad do u think is a suitable age for a couple to go together?
ans:
- i dunno la..
- ermm...dunno la..when both sides feel ready lor..
haha..okie..now for guy 2
guy 2-
question: wad is love in ur eyes?
ans:
-hmmm
- cheem...
-depends..
-Love for someone ... can be an obsession..or simply wishing tt person the best in life or sacrificial
- it depends on the subject
- For me..
-I believe tt it is willing to sacrifice for the person u love n wishing him/her all the best
question: is love an obsession?
-depends on the subject
- and the degree
[then this guy had to go...]
guy 2: ya
guy 2: can explain more
guy 2:or nxt time
guy 2: bcos i gtg le
hahaha..oh well..then now..for the last guy..his description was..well..much more..dreamy..hee
no offence...
question: wad is love in ur eyes?
ans:
-tats a tough one
-its kinda like a dream
-too gd to be true
- like a complete fairytale
so you see? diff ppl really have diff opinions..i asked one who supposedly was in love..i asked another one who lost his crush..i guess..and the last one..well i think erm..he THINKS tt he has a crush..hee
oh well............well erm..i guess lor..i mean lyk..
love-wad i deduced frm other ppl's opinions-is for ur own to explore lor..so..i guess its..unexplinable..well they say tt love is blind..i beg to differ..hee..oh well..love..is abt committment. its sacrificial. unselfish..well all in all la. it IS sacrificial. hee. nice..
dunno wad to say la..so sian...die lor die lor..sure cnt finish homework again..esp art...i was thinkig of painting..hahahahah
oh well..not funny..now im waiting for sby to answer my qn: "wad is love?"
lets see the ans..
(mins)
hmm..actually i also asked a few others..all guys..see wad GUYS think of love..
haha..they DO give interesting answers..
lemme ask finish hor..
yah i know la..so many qns..got 3 ppl leh.....wait ar..
one of them offline le..hahaha
im finished with two..the last one is lovesick..so must ask more related questions..hee
okie i try..
u know wad i give up..not today..ahah..too many things liao...hahaha
okie okie..crap again...sheesh..aha..
wa kao..oral so lan. die le lor..sheesh...
die die die.. die la die la..now me still suffering frm "post-oral"..gee..so scary lor..the passage SO LONG. sheesh..then i sat there like wad lor..so freaked out...then dunno why la..suddenly i could speak QUITE fluently..as in..i liked it lor...then got a few words i dunno.....then vry wad also..aiya..vry scary..wa tt mr lee so chen ji lor..when i just sat down he said tt now i 'shang ke bu zhuan xin..shi bu shi hen wan shui..'
his business ar?? i bu zhuan xin coz of HIM la. wad kind of teaching he does lor?! wa kao eh..i sleep how late he also care ar..wa kao.......
then the conv part...wa kao. sure fail la tt part..and i thought eng was worse enough...sheesh..i din talk lor..just lyk i expected..'yi wen yi da' lor..he ask one qn i ans once.....................then after tt all i could do was.."err...rang hou..errr....." and i was lyk SO NERVOUS..mind was in a blank..................
EEKS
die la die la..study mood gone for sure. exams all fail..
DIE LA
how to study...
wa kao..dun say le la..i getting frm bad to worse....SHEESH
yea i helped the contorl freak at home with her blog..kinda.."cute"
yea right........hee..then yesterday went to eat thai food at bugis village..hahaha..not tt nice la..
hee..and now..im feeling so..erm..yea numb. and then er..no feelings lor..not angry not upset not sad nor happy..nth lor..erm erm..then er nth le bah..haiz
now tt im not sad or anything..my entries are getting shorter..hee
oh well..maybe i shld go find sby. at least can talk abt him...-.-
suddenly im lyk zr lyk tt..looking for sby to lyk..gee..am i TT bored? i hope not leh..
wait i myself get burnt...hee..oh well..just make sure tt my studies come first lor..aiyah i think i'll degrade to express stream. chi so lan. math so lan. hist so lan. geog so lan. sure kanna kicked out one la. sommore i cnt cope with higher chi.....hee..blame mr lee.. cnt understand wad he talking abt..
gee...aiya anyways..study mood gone le..dunno how to replenish..die lor..gee..
now im worried abt exams..coming ever so quickly.......and ahah..tmr im gonna tell him the truth..
wish me all the luck i need! hee..wait tmr i get cold feet back out i surely kanna killed sia...hee..kks..byes.
was close to winning yesterday..the stupid deal .and then i lost it. WA KAO. how can lor. so sayang..gee..
then yesterday uh..after tt i wasnt quite angered or sth la..then keming so funny..he said tt i vry late come back home coz of the dinner. haha. 200 course dinner. heehee. so funny..then when i came back he offline le..hee..aiya.h..now i gotta go help my sis create her blog......hee
this is one of my favourite songs..in fact ive been looking for it for more than a year. i have the lyrics all along..but i only knew the chorus part. today a miraculous thing happened. bryan sent the song to me. i was OVERJOYED. elated. wadever. but i just love the song so much.
Only Hope
There's a song that's inside of my soul
Its the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I will wake in the end when it calls
But you sing to me over and over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving you all
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours i pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
i hate being happy. i cnt stay happy. the word 'happy' is staying OUT. i have NO IDEA.
i cnt think. i cnt feel. im so numb. i feel lyk crying again. I CNT BELIEVE IT.
i dun wanna say it out now. but deep inside i know wad im doing.
im still hating myself. for not being able to take things in my stride.
and everyone else wouldnt leave me alone.
wad am i doing?!
haiz..so sian lor..again. maybe it isnt a nice idea to just stay happy. i shld be upset somehow. im still human right?? theres no law saying tt i cnt be sad and must stay happy all the time. happy ppl also can be upset abt sth...hahaha
oh well
ive just realised..tt ppl are actually hiding their true feelings. not one, but i already know of two. just wanna say sth abt hiding ur feelings. to tell everyone else tt its not gd to bottle them up. to tell everyone else that it hurts. lots. they say tt love hurts. but it isnt true. if u love somebody the right way, u shldnt be hurt. u shld be happy for tt person. rejoice for tt person tt he or she is happy and still alive. dun ever bottle up ur feelings..coz they STILL surface. its best to just..make it go away. shout it all out. vent it. at least. u know tt theres still somebody who cares abt u. all these, ive gone through before. it took me MONTHS to discover that i cnt get wad i want. so leave it. we shldnt CRAVE for sth that we know we cant lay our lands on. so forget it. stop dreaming abt sth that u KNOW it wont ever happen..but all the same..go for it. but if ure rejected or sth..just..know wad he wants and..leave it. if he doesnt want anything..then leave it. the best that u can do is..to just look at him from afar..and silently fade. oh well..i know im crapping again la..but this is how i feel lor...its not right or anything la. i just say this to myself..............aiya..u kw one la..i love to talk to myself. gee
haiz..if only ppl can be great listeners. coz i need one right now. but nobody seems to notice. anyway..they neednt. coz they dun care abt me needing a listening ear anyways. i dun deny tt im not a gd listener..but at least..i can sense it if the person is troubled or some kind..i guess. well pardon me if i din..coz..im not "wonder woman" dun forget...
im this curious person..i dun forget wad i want to know. i'll go to the very end just to find the answer. i'll pester..yah..tt is so VRY irritating..but this is me. sometimes..i myself get hurt knowing the complete truth. i DO jump to conclusions and condemn others easily. but the ones i dislyk..i really observe them. i dun think tt everything they are doing is wrong. but sometimes..their motives are so obvious...i just cnt help being...on the erm..wrong side lor..aiyah..
maybe i can hide my feelings too well. and its not gd. im STILL happy dun worry..but..im not..TOTALLY happy. im still troubled abt things tt i cnt solve. abt things tt i still..am occupied with. abt things tt dun belong to me. abt my character. abt my personality. abt wad kind of person i am. abt how i can improve myself. abt how to cont to help others..but sometimes the more i help the worse it becomes..and then i'll get all..guilty or sth. oh well. tts me.
gee..
i still want to help others..but..the prob is. i dun know how. oh well. they dun seem to need my UNNECESSARY help. dun think they appreciate it anyways. so..wad im trying to do now is to stop flooding other ppl with my lousy advice. coz its so RATIONAL tt ppl are tired of it. oh well. so i shld also stop annoying others with my own problems. there i said it. its MY OWN. not others'. so why shld they know abt my prob? its mine. they shldnt be involved anyways. oh well
everyday i still want to be left alone. sometimes ppl cnt get the message or they just cnt see it lor. oh well..they dunno wad. gee. maybe i shld just put the sign "leave me alone" on my forehead or sth..
then..aiya..dunno la..AIYA. forget it
i dun wanna carry on
wait i get all upset again and i cnt be happy anymore..
byes.
gee..im dead.. the first day of being totally happy. and wad?! a total disaster..SO BORING.. i mean lyk..nth to think abt..probs solved le..so happy..and then......
NTH TO BE HAPPY ABT LIAO
all i can do in class now..sit down there and SULK.
gee..nby talk to me lor..then i can only scibble my feelings.....tts all i do to amuse myself. but all that came out:
im happy. im bored. nby talk to me. so sian
YAH TTS ALL. nth else. nth abt anything else. gee. wad life. boring. uninteresting. oh no..lyk tt how to be happy la aiyo..think i better go find sth to entertain myself....hmm..
eh...yah today we needed to do some cme proj. AGAIN. gee. so many projects lor..abt some rap or song. abt love, crushes, steads and stuff. gee.
GEE
so bored......
sheesh...ppl now so sad i so happy...so weird.
gee..so sian...maybe
i think im gonna get it over and done with.
im gonna go up there..tell him tt im not bothered abt him anymore..and wadever he does is none of my business. let him feel the sadness for all i care. haha..bryan will be laughing.. he says tt he WILL break down. eeks..lets see him break down then..HAHA
budden now only got wait until monday..haiz..so sian one....i wanted to do it today budden bryan said he not free leh..so wad...spoilsport..HAIZ..hee
anyways..i have to be happy until tmr..abt 4pm..tts wad bryan said la..dunno..but i can make it. who says tt i cnt?! im gonna prove to him tt i mean wad i say. and im gonna prove him wrong. im gonna tell him tt i can stay happy for more than 36 hrs..HAHA
oh well..tmr then see la..hee..
i am going to be happy. i dun care. why shld i be sad?? no reason. yay. finally. someone.okay hes bryan. he made me realise my stupid mistake. im pessimistic. well i KNOW tt. just tt in the past all i wanted to do was to stay unhappy. WAD thought. tt was so foolish of me. OMG..now ive come to my senses. all thanks to him. today i also reflected on my past. how foolish of me. i clung onto my past. how stupid. come to think of it. its all over. and it was nth much la. only tt he walked out on us. tts ALL. erm..well..we'll be better off without him actually. wow. i cnt believe tt its tt simple. tts all?! OMG. why din i do this earlier?? hah. well im doing it now. and im gonna finish this off. once and for all. im gonna solve all my troubles. i dont care. hah. hmm..lemme try to solve the probs im thinking abt.
first..the bastard at home..sorry ive to use this word..but i simply cnt help myself..well..
we can make do without him. its even better..just dun even bother abt him. and brood over it. no use crying over spilt milk!! hee..oh well..tts so easily solved..i wonder why i havent thought of it sooner..wow..
okay..tt was fast..now the next..hmm..
the responsible one. hmm..well i cnt be bothered abt him. so wad?! argh..i shldnt even care. he wants to carry on? let him. i cnt stop him anyways. he wants to continue making bryan upset abt his prob abt me? cont la..not MY fault. if bryan gets fed up..dun blame me. I din do ANYTHING. its the responsible one..he din wanna confront me and talk things out. well anyway..he knows wad the outcome will be lyk la..so he doesnt wanna talk to me..hehehe..not my fault..then u want me to do wad?? u want me to...
okay..i shld nvr have thought abt him. next..
ly lor.. who else..erm..aiya..let everyone know i also dun care. actually we gots nth on la..just tt im trying not to lead him one lor..coz he..aiya.........
just tt i dun want him to cont. he knows. i just hope tt he gets the message tt ive been tryin to put across to him frm the starting of the whole incident....................OH WELL. all im gonna do is to go out there. and dun care. let nature take its course. wadever he wants to do its not my problem. not my fault. wadever I want to do with this incident is MY fault. MY prob. and nobody else's. i dun wanna pull others into the water with me. tts so unfair and selfish.
okay. i'll try to get over tt by not thinking abt it. oh well..next..
actually..theres almost nth else..just tt i dun think im vry popular with my classmates. i'll be vry straightforward now la. ppl dun lyk me. they think im a fake. hypocrite. wadever. its not my fault. i got misunderstood. not my fault. i was only just being helpful and help out la. coz others dun wanna do mah. then let them destroy the class meh?? then i be one of them sit down there shake legs and rot?! no way..hah. u wont believe this..but now im trying not to be nice to others. not help out. not sweep the floor whenever im free after sch. not wiping the whiteboard even when i really want to coz i lyk to wipe the whiteboard. yah u wont believe this but frm pri sch i have always wanted to wipe the whiteboard as my duty in class. but i was nvr tall enough. not tt i am..im doing it for as long as i want to. but...haiz..ppl go misunderstand la. ppl say i "jia xing xing". humph. i lyk to do it for my OWN hobby. not others'. humph. dun care la. now i dun wipe la. humph.
then uh..friendship problems.
hmm..not an easy thing to do. well..i just be who i am. and not try not to be sarcastic lor. i mean lyk..i cnt help it la. i offer wadever i can. and not be selfish lor. erm..well i make it a habit to erm..help others la. now it is already QUITE a habit. lyk holding the door for others..well i can still remember..at the starting of the year ppl just go in the door..and then i see nby hold the door. wad a sight. all so..selfish..all only care abt their own selves..not lyk last time..wah..hehe.
well..i tried to add tt element into our class la. initiative. but it nvr did work.. apparently..sby's been vry enthu abt holding the door. dunno why. haha..
then er..i think tts abt all lor..hahaha.
so little..well i guess
i'd just put aside all my emotions. study hard for the test. and be happy
i'll prove bryan so wrong..he will be speechless. HAH. tts my target for the year. hee..
oh well..tatas! im gonna start to think positive. look on the bright and radiating side..the sun..shining so brightly..so gaily..im nvr gonna leave the bright side...
and the dark side? well i can bid farewell to TT place. nvr gonna visit there again. im not gonna be tied down by love. or friendship. or the bastard. or anyone else. im gonna be myself. stand on my own two feet. be on my own. dun let anyone worry abt me. i must bring joy to everyone..(well i will make tt my next mission) AND..im gonna be happy. if not how i make others happy??
well..hmm...a word abt life. wad is life?? to be happy. experience all the pain, suffering, happiness, anger..sorrow..and after tt..when we reflect on our past mistakes..we know. we know wad we have done wrong. wad our wrong perspectives were. we have to move on. not be trapped by our world of sorrow. why be? theres no reason why we shld live in the past. we shld think of the future. make the best of wad we have. be grateful abt everything. and last but not least. be happy.
tts wad we want to be right? as they say..life is not a bed of roses..we have to LEARN from our past mistakes and wrongdoings..turn over a new leaf. and be a BETTER person. we shld SOLVE our problems. dun cry over spilt milk! wads done is done. u cnt undo it. so leave it la! why bother abt it? if u made sby sad..leave it. make tt person happy by not carryin on with wad u did to make tt person upset. and yah..one impt thing abt doing this..erm..dun let urself be sad just to make tt person u hurt be happy. tts even worse. u shld try to be happy instead..coz tt person is also happy wad..and er..wadever ure doing..stop it. coz its making tt person upset. so erm..yah lor..just STOP IT. and everything will return to normal. lyk before. lyk the good old days. wont tt be much nicer?? aha
yah i know. all these seem so immature right? all the immature talk..oh well..dun blame me..im not mature yet wad...hahahah. aiya..just..
WELL. i hope tt the ppl reading this entry will discover their true meaning in life. find out wad they want to do. forget their "love" and find someone who is more worthy of ur love towards them. yah..and erm..yea.. stay happy! the most impt thing to remember..think positive!! yea all the best to making our lives happy. coz i know tt many of us arent. but we HAVE TO. no matter wad it takes. we will be happy. why let other PPL make us unhappy and upset? aint tt silly? so..yea..long entry i know.
but this has been rewarding for me. this has been the MOST POSITIVE ENTRY EVER. ahaha..im so proud of myself. yea im trying to be happy. leave all my worries behind..tata worries!! i'll wont be able to keep in touch with you ever again!! byes!!
hee..yesterday i couldnt connect to the internet..-_-
hee..oh well.
ya yesterday was a total disaster...haish..first zeren gave me a purple balloon..cute..then i told her to blow another one..it was orange..and then i wanted to burst it after sch in frnt of jinhongs face..YAH I KNOW. LAME. wadever. i shuang. then hor....my balloon got lost..AND. the headless one. po huai wo de hao shi. HE BURST THE BALLOON!! wa kao..how can lyk tt?? spoil my fun..haiz..aiya..i din even get to see the expressoin on his face lor..how can.. eeks. why the headless one always lyk tt?? always spoil my fun. he ruined my life not enough....ARGH. i dun lyk him liao...ARGH..anyways i nvr did..ahahaha
oh yah..bryan gave me my cd le..YAY..budden hor..i only can play in on my dicsman and the com...i cnt play on my cd player..ARGH..wad kind of cd..eeks..PLUS right..he burn the wrong songs..-_-..
and some songs..MY FAV SONGS..he cnt find i think..AIYA..so sad lor..but nvm..i go pester him..hee
life's getting worse..everyday im finding sth to talk abt..but all lyk the same..aiya..i only ELABORATE on the small things...gee..so wu liao..
today hor..eeks..dun think i shld say this..but sth bad happened lor..in the hall..hee..wadever la..but he hor..aiya..sorta deserved it ba..oh well..we arent supposed to talk abt it. hah
then today the later half of the class having oral. hee...lyk vry easy lyk tt leh..vann say until so 'qing song'..hmm..no fair..gee..i think im gonna do vry badly for oral lor..wah i sit there talk lyk dunno wad..speak so softly lor...haiz..now its raining hard. raindrops pelting down..lightly on my head..suits my mood perfectly well. i lyk it THIS way. im not getting any happier as the days go by. i wonder why. i just want everybody to leave me alone. leave me and my peace and my happiness alone. ALONE. just cant understand why some of them just cant get it. haiz. maybe im lyk..fated to leave SUCH a life lor..gee..so sad..haiz......
i just have to say this again.
I HATE MY LIFE.
i cnt believe wad i just did. he thinks im a fake. im not. why must everybody misunderstand me?! its no fair!!! and im just so weak..HE made me do it again..i was glad tt i went. coz i din want to stay any longer. with some guy who thinks im a fake. and the responsible one. hes landed me into trouble. no. I did. OMG. why am i blaming everyone???
i hate myself
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
I HATE HIM
i cnt believe i cried again.
just because of TT thought.
I HATE LIFE
I HATE LIFE
I HATE LIFE
I HATE LIFE
I HATE LIFE
I HATE LIFE
haiz..today was kinda..WEIRD. in the morning..i woke at 5.50am..then i took the 6.25 bus i think..AND i still got to sch early..i reached at abt 6.44am.........wow. its been a long time since i last reached sch this early..then upon reaching sch..i saw zq and grace...then when dawn came we made such a big fuss abt her..HAHA..coz she rebonded her hair..hee..actually i knew last tues during nb la..then coz we wanted to give zr a surprise we decided not to mention it..HAH. so anyways..when zr arrived dawn and i were lyk..laughing away..coz zeren din really notice..hee. a few seconds later then she noticed..and uh..she had this disgusted look on her face. wah i so angry..she looks so pretty lor. eeks..ahaha...
then..we had a new councilor taking over our class la..then when nicholas was talking to us i suddenly realised..WHY IS HE STILL HERE?? i thought hes supposed to gun dan le??? ahaha..oh well.
hmm..then after tt we had proj work period..we supposed to get into our eng grps..*OH NO*
then luckily la...we had to go to the com lab..hee..then sth vry qian bian happened.....we were ENCOURAGED to sit in our grps..discuss abt SOME umbrella..eeks. we had to model it out. oh well...then we din sit in grps..yah i couldnt sign in..ahah..then hee..hee..
i allowed zr to sign into my accnt..well i dunno im supposed to say la..but hah. asked jh wad to do..THEN HE SAID DUNNO..then she asked him need any help HE SAID NO. humph. i think i kw wad he doing le..well i dun think we can help him in ANY way anyways..hee
oh well..then the responsible one hor..wah he FINALLY chat to me le lor..wad.."srry..i nvr reply.."
well i said nvm la..budden must tell him the qn he wanted to ask..i dun care.
HAHA..oh well..hee.
hmm..yah then we played the "dating game"...oh well..so sian..yah the guys were suppoed to pair up with the gals..hee..then hor.. the gals are lyk poison ivy to the guys..........................
SO INSULTED.
ahah..not me la..other ppl..i could stay with zeren!! yay..hee..
yah so LAME lor..hahahahha..then got "double dates"..eeks. i dun think i wanna talk abt this anymore..so sian and lame. eeks
yah then we had erm..recess..then during lit period we also had a game. wad break some record one...ehehe. then erm..we had to set qns for other ppl to answer..then our grp de qn..HAHAHA..so lame lor..we asked how many times the audience laughed and applauded altogether.......-.-
yah i know la. so lame. not related..HAHAHA...
oh well
yah and then hor..we had to present during hist lesson..sian
i think tt today we got into grps the most number of times...hee
hmm..okay..then after tt we had chi..changed places..yah then hor..my place okie okie lah..QUITE satisfied..
then so far away frm zeren..aiyah she gd lor..can sit near dawn while i cnt..haiz..yah on her left is ly..on her right is the headless one..behind is jh...HAHAHAHA
me ar..sit at the corner of the classroom lor..HAIZ..so sian..
haiz..oh well..at least im at the back..can enjoy for a while lor..hee..
exams coming though..today i stayed back after sch..erm..then i abit sian..went to read a book..the library book tt was overdue..hehehe..then xr jj and erm..the responsible one havent go home la..haha..then they scared me abit when they came back..hee..then they went..
then SUDDENLY HOR..one of them came back..ALONE..asked me some WEIRD qn..then hor..he lied la..but i din hear the lie...HEHE..he said tt erm..sby asked the qn but actally it was he himself who asked one lor..hahahaha..in the end he so zibei...but i din know tt he lied...haha..HUO GAI..not my fault..hee
oh well..his own fault..cnt blame me wad..heez..
ya i changed my background song again..to erm.."at the beginning"..nice song eh?? i love it..hee
ya la i kw la..today so many entries..oh well
i dun care..i lyk it i do it..
haiz.......yah just now sby told me sth..and then i thought..parents can be so hateful. irresponsible parents
i have a feeling tt this entry..will be abt wad i think. of diff matters..oh well..at least i can let it all out. ya parents. nowadays couples with children get divorced lyks nby's business..wad abt the kid?! do they care abt him?! no they dont. they just want money..tts all.. they are lazy. they want to bu lao er huo. those parents shld be wiped off frm the surface of the earth. those adults. so qian bian. ARGH. they dun CARE..no they dont. they let their kids suffer and all..they are selfish..they only want the best for themselves. when anything goes wrong they jusr run away. frm reality. frm their debts. frm everybody. frm themselves. and then..when they cnt take it anymore..they commit suicide. if tts the ending..why do they want to do the wrong thing in the first place?!
fools
complete fools
IDIOTS
i dunno why they must do this to themselevs. they are just causing everyone around them to suffer. humph. those crazy ones. dun u think do too? humph. those poor kids. when they grow up they start to doubt others..not trust others so easily. oh well..at least they can fend for themselves. not as weak as the other "normal" kids. hmm..its a good thing i guess..i mean..they can at least learn sth la..oh well..
i dunno..i just feel tt everyone's misunderstanding everyone else. this world is so full of hypocrites. there are so few true frens. those tt lyk u for who u ARE. haiz. these ppl are extinct. we all need ppl to guide us through our harship. and our difficult times. and we need ppl who can give us advice. point out our mistakes. love us. care for us. haiz. so difficult to find. nowadays..ppl are getting SO fake.
FAKERS
hate them. humph. i lyk those who are more true. those who dun fake. they lyk u they show it. if they dont they try to tell u and correct u. try to improve u. not become backstabbers and backstab. HUMPH.
backstabbers. they are nth more than just cowards. they are afraid of not being able to "fit in". who cares abt fitting in?! i dun. they lyk me tts great. they dun lyk me? heck care ar..i dun need those kind of frens..but come to think of it..im not vry well lyked. oh well..i think i know the reason why. im sarcastic. or so they say. i dunno.. i just quote wad they say lor. yah they said tt lyk..we do good works to impress others..humph. lyk we nth else better to do. we so kong sian meh?! HAH.
they are the real ones who have nth else better to do. so they just laze around and gossip abt us. for wad i also dunno. but i can say tt im not vry happy with them. im angry and disappointed with them. well i dun deny tt. not all la. but a few only. i despise those kind of ppl. who pretend to help. and i have no intention of hiding my dislyk towards them. who cares whether they know or not? its not lyk theyre gonna kill me. humph. at least i dun BAD TALK them. i dun say things behind their back. why shld i anyway? i let ppl dislyk them because they themselves dun lyk them. i need not bad talk them to makes others dislyk them. i dun need to. why make others dislyk them just because i do?! crazy sia..those ppl who make others dislyk them just because they themselves dislyk them. are not gd ppl. these are the ones i call. backstabbers. why pull ppl into the water when they themselves are drowning?!
[just a word..im not talking abt anybody in particular..]
haiz..my stay in 1-2 has been quite long. and i personally feel tt the females are the poisonous ones. lyk mosquitoes. u see..only the female mosquitoes bite. and black widows are females too. and we only hear of a QUEEN bees and ants..no KINGs..
so i say..females the dangerous creatures.
and erm..i dunno la..but i feel tt guys are more trustable. at least they keep ur secrets to themselves and not leak them out. they dun really judge u just by wad kind of secrets u keep..but by wad u say..ur actions..and ya..ur personality. well..
i dun love myself. in fact i hate myself. coz i myself am not a perfect person. i hate myself for being too direct. all the time. but hey!! i will change..ya im tryin to change la.hee
yah basically..im not a vry easy person to get along with anyway..
i get misunderstood easily.sometimes..so easily..i feel lyk a failure. i am anyways..oh well
i hate my life
i dun know why..but its kinda..silly..
so sian..haiz..now theres nby online one..so sian..dissing..eeks
its really pissing me off..the boredom..ya tmr got oral..and yesterday we shouted lyk some madwoman..now im eating choco chip cookies..tmr no sore throat or cough i tou siao le lor....eeks..
its the first time im not worried abt oral..seems lyk no one is ba..or they forgotten abt it..anyways..mr yaya din really prepare us for it. hee. his fault..if any of us fails..blame it on yaya..
yippie ya ya yippie yippie ya
yippie ya ya yippie yippie ya
yippie ya ya yippie yippie ya ya yippie
yippie ya ya yippie yippie ya
hee
oh well..homework untouched..gee..im getting frm bad to worse..and oh no...
im addicted to msn..DIE
im tryin to get rid of the habit..but to no avail..hmm..its kinda scary..im always online if i have the chance to..haiz
i can predict sth right now. im gonna do vry badly for the end of yr examinations. believe it or not. its gonna happen anyways..haiz
ya wish me all the best. i'll be forced to quit gb or nb..*sobs*
lyk tt id rather quit both and join another cca altogether..
just kidding..oh well...im tired.
ya.. istill havent checked out two library books...i think tt im returning the books tmr. i have to. theyre overdue..todays the first. tmrs the second. gee.
oh well..
hee..yesterday we had a comp with oss..wah..they improve alot le..i din want to go one!! then they call me early in the morning..ask me go..said tt they needed me...coz huimin play mid-fielder..
eeks..then when i ran there..in the end i only play one game out of 4..
-DOINK-
and they said tt they din have enough players..
WAH WANNA KILL THEM AR
oh well...
yah then afterwards i went to the njrc..yay..
then horz..WAH SO CROWDED..i saw erm..michelle!! hee..she so tall le..and vry slim..haha
oh well.......
yah i think..weiyao and jaz are together!! or so he says......hehe..then everybody changed lor..el and ky liu long hair..haha
freaky..
only i din
oh well..
yah everybody changed..jaz VRY PRETTY!!!
first time i can use the word "beautiful" on sby..wah really lor..DCB ar..
lolz..then we shouted lyk mad..hahaha
rulang this year lyk dunno wad..SO LAN..
oh well..
ya i saw jh and the other inno club ppl..hehe..dun think they won anything..HAHAHA
oh well..
yah..then our cheers vry funny..vry little..ahaz..got one is the wad..
funky chicken..yah
wad..
have u seen the funky chicken??
wads tt?
have u seen the funky chicken??
wads tt??
(sth sth..)and it goes lyk this!
pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok pok (some sound..)
[LOL]
and then..
have u seen the geylang chicken??
wads tt?
have u seen the geylang chicken??
wads tt?
(sth sth..)and it goes lyk this!
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la (some sound..)
HAHAH
so funny..
yah and then we went home..then on the bus hor..we met some guy la..
liang zhen xiao..
he last time also rulangnite one..hehe
then dunno why..el and karying lyk madwomen..
[i dunno them ar..]
they keep teasing him..i can even use the word "flirt". they ar..*tsk tsk* esp karying ar..aiyo..become lamer than me le lor..but somehow..its kinda..fake..oh well
dun tell her i said tt..hee..ya and then they asked for his number..haha
meaning no harm..when he was abt to alight the bus, i asked for his email add..hehe
planning to add him la..haha..anyways i wont call him or anything..hahaha
then went to the shop la..then mom said tt 7.45 got ppl..eeks
i ran all the way home to zhen li..die..i havent finish they come le..
hahah..i stuffed all the rubbish into the closet..-_-..then wad to do??
hehe..then went to some place to eat la..then came home..read a book..and dozed off..yah after i dozed off suddenly i received so many msges..the headless cupid..the responsible guy..and sby else..
haha..then they so gu yi one...wait after i sleep liao then msg..somemore is only mins after i slept..lyk i slept at abt 11.23..the next msg was at 11.30..then abt 11.37 another msg......then 12.10 lyk tt another msg wishing me a nice dream..
-_-
oh well..now have to wait after 10..hehehehe
haha..dawn and i keep changing our blogs..well not exaclty change..but altered them la.haha..
ya i changed my song to THIS. nice?? yah i love it. one of my fav songs..hee..
oh well..i think im gonna leave it lyk THIS..no more alteration i hopw..hahaha
ya..lyk yesterday i totally freaked out..
hah. well..i slept at abt 1 plus...coz i chatted with jh till abt 12.42 or sth..haha..
coz lyk..eveybody was sleeping so early..i felt so bored..i needed sby to accompany me spend the hour...hmm..yea i told him lotsa things..he helped me solve some stuff..and ya. "sharing time"..LOL
tt was for persuading him not to sleep. the moment i said "byes" he was offline...eeks
i din kw tt i was TT boring. okay i know. i KNOW. i just know. boring old me. somtimes i feel tt im so boring until i get bored myself. DUH. who wouldnt?
hee..
today we had netball training..ya i was late..im NVR punctual for anything anyways..except on sch mornings la..but mozly is just made it..HEE..
oh well..ya and today the teck whye ppl came. the sec 2s..the horz..we played against them la ya..
haiz..tmr still have to go for frenly with oss..heard tt their team is getting vry strong..ya if they dun i chop off my head. with the MAD coach of theirs? hah. they SURE will one lor. if they dun they DIE. the coach keeps shouting at them.. eeks.. luckily ms he not lyk tt one..if not we die..eeks
so anyways..i had to rush to townsville pri..to meet those cute cuddly kiddos..eeks..so CUTE!!
well..i took 105 i think..to the mrt station..then took mrt to je interchange..then took the red line to bishan..frm there i asked the control station uncle how to get there..he told me 55 shld be can..then i went to the bus interchange, then i asked a lady whether 55 got pass by tps..then hor..she said lyk got..then i asked the bus driver whether got..then he said yes..HAH..in the end i found it. eeks. so happy..ya and i caught a glimpse of ri. WOW. BIG
hee..ya when i reached they were having lunch..i quickly changed into the gb shirt..and then when the grp c kids they-ya 2 gals, jasline and jayner-hugged me. eeks. they were so..UGH..WET
oh well..heard tt the guys commented on me being skinny in the morning...frm yanbing..eeks
talk behind my back..HAHA..oh well..they neednt have said it behind my back..coz i dun mind..oh well.
haha..i KNOW im skinny..so dun remind me..i KNOW..and im working on tt..
hmm..ya today i did nth much with them la..only tt the jayner and jasline kept calling me.
eeks..u shld be heard them..
"canida jie jie.."
"canida jie jie..........."
"canida jie jie.."
wa kaoz.........................
so chao..then jasline and jayner hold each of my hand..eeks..
and JAYNER!!!!!!
she keeps touching me!!!!!!!!
eeks..............................
hah..oh well..today is our last day. YAY..
no need to see them anymore..
YAY
so GOOD..hahahahahha..oh well..they quite cute though..
hmm..not a gd day...
haish.........................................ya ytd jh helped me do sth. ya and im kinda grateful to him for helping me vent my anger. ya im sorta using him as a human-hurl-words-bag..hahaha
ya..so im shouting all kinds of nonsense to him...
hee..oh well..at least he can halp me vent my anger..yah im really grateful to him for tt..
the last time i tried to do the same thing to km?? he gave me all sorts of advice..kinda scared me..haha..but jh abit blur blur...he only listens..give comments..doesnt advice or talk much so..well im looking for a listener..not an advice giver or sth..but i'll love it when he gives advice at the correct time la..haha
see i so fussy..no wonder i havent found HIM yet..HAHA..oh well..i den dun need one right now..hee..hmm...kinda tired..tata
hee..i changed my blogskin..nice?? well i hope so..since dawn said tt she din lyk to look at black backgrounds..well i think tt this is quite nice la. hahaha..okie okie..so this is cuter..PLUS..ya i know..abt girlish..oh well..wad to do..this is the next best tt i could find. well i lyk the background song. and the bear. hah. oh well..but i still think tt the prev one is nicer though...hee
hee..today gb went to townsville pri..cool. the place was big..the kids were cute...well we din give "tuition" lyk we expected..in fact..they were SO cute we couldnt help smiling.. SO CUTE. ya..then yanbing and i took charge of grp c..hehe..they quite playful la..got erm..melissa, wei hng, jayner..and the rest i forgot......-_-. hehe. oh well..tmr i have netball..so i dun think tt i can be with them in the morning lor..haiz..it was so FUN
ya..the gals were cute..the guys were playful...CUTE!!
hehehe
oh well..IM the one who bu she de them...haha..then today we played games..ate..then they lyk..sticked around yan bing and i lor..ahaz.
oh ya..we were supposed to entertain them with some song la..then yanbing and i taught them the jap frog song..=P
then afterwards when the tr asked us to teach the kids some songs the kids in grp c "vonlunteered" us..HAHA
then they were lyk pulling us..then we were lyk..screaming......hehehe
they so cute..we couldnt help but scream..HAHAHA
heez..
then in the end the whole 69th coy taught them the jap frog song..oh ya..during lunch horz..they so bad.....
they ate until so WAD lor..jsut lyk LITTLE kiddos..well they ARE anyways..oh well..then after tt I had to clean up the table..clear the overleft food ttt they din eat..-_-..
ya then after tt i felt so disgusted...........
eeks
well im gonna miss them lots.
the cute little ones..
eeks..
so cute....
=P..they so cute lor.hahaha..
well im happy tt they look up to us as some erm...big sisters or sth..hee..at least i can take control in STH..yay
gee..oh well..tmr i still have netball to look forward to. i hope i dun miss the kids in grp c..*sobs*
hah..they so cute..
yah just now when i walked home frmt he bus-stop i passed by fuhua sec. then i saw nhss co ppl..haha..think tt they have co camp..so gd lor..
oh YA..todays louis' bday!! ya yesterday i waited till 12 to send him a msg..hahaha. oh well..i dun think tt i was the first la. hee
nvm..i tried.
wadever
yup..today im feeling a little lighter..guess its because i watch a movie and the person i watched it with..hah
guess u ppl expectin me to name the person. hee. then i wont. lol..ya i know im vry lame and immature and childish.....oh well..this is ME. i do wad i want. or maybe u ppl are thinking "u think i care.." oh well..so u ppl dun care. not my fault. im just being me. the lame me. im lyk this..whether u lyk it or not.....
--
tt was stupid.
oh well......
hah..watched 'a cinderella story' ..wasnt as nice as '13 going on 30'..hmm..this movie was abt this gal la..and then..well..they added in a little of the "cinderella" parts..made it kinda..fairytale-ish..oh well..its supposed to be lyk THE cinderella story anyways..-_-
hee..
met yiling..lihe and murong. din expect them to be there......the worst thing was..they sat right behind us..-_-..so coincidential..i wanted to kill myself. then saw huangkee........she misunderstood la..of course. heehee..not my fault.
then after tt we went home.....hehehe...din return my ticket!!! i wanted to keep it..i always keep my tickets..well..momento or sth..lol..
well..nxt time i better get the ticket....i have to have it back...hahaha
haha..leave tt for nxt time lor.....well..i had fun today!!! and i found out tt chi high is a vry stressful sch...-_-..so many things to do one.................
haha..im glad im not a guy..anyway i wont go into chi high if i was..coz im not tt intelligent....
lol..i will remember today!! tts for sure..coz today is the more on the not so sian side..=P
haiz..after the last entry i went to sby for advice..and then i found out. i realised. my stupid mistake. TGs not torturing me. IM the one whos torturing myself. haiz. sometimes we just have to accept reality. face it. and take things in our stride. no matter wad we're going through, we have to still overcome it. brave through the strong winds. everything. as they say..'brace yourself..'
yea i find tt particularly interesting. lol. oh anyway. i guess i already figured things out. maybe i'll just solve it asap. no delay. do it now.. but i dun think i can do it so rashly la...just um..put the msg across to TG or sth. just..do nth to hurt. i guess..but SOME ppl get hurt vry easily. those ppl are hte scary ones. coz u wont know when they will be hurt. u dunno how u can dun hurt them. lyk me. im afraid of hurting others. haiz.
if only i wasnt lyk this..wasnt this sensitive. maybe if i din care abt wad others think. id be so much happier. if only. but the fact remains. i cant. it will nvr evr happen. i hate life.
i wish tt someday..TG will come to realise..wad it has caused me. the pain....
i dun think tt i shld say this..but im feeling this right now..
I HATE U TG!! STOP WAD U ARE DOING!! LET ME GO!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!
oh God..i feel lyk im being tortured..horrendously. lyk being GRILLED on some barbeque pit...im so afraid i dunno wad to do. i just wish tt ppl would stop askin me qns..esp TG!!! ARGH..i feel so frightened. coz i dunno wad to do. all i can do now is get away frm TG..as far as possible..AHH
i wish tt TG would just stop torturing me..wad have i done to land myself into this??? in wad way have i agitated TG?! wad have i done to deserve all these torture?! NOTHING. i did NOTHING. it just knocked on my door..coz i was too careless or sth i went to open the door and POOF!!! TG nvr left me alone. i dun think tt i shld be so nice to TG anymore. i think tt i shld just totally shut my ears to the name..i dun wanna think abt TG anymore..anymore. not ever. I WONT BE TT SILLY TO LET TG CARRY ON TORTURING ME!!!
i feel lyk im possessed or sth..
*-_-*
maybe i shld stop.
i shld
i say i SHLD
why am i doing this??
I HATE LIFE
PROFILE
CANIDA
30.12.1991
female. average height. shoulder length hair. not too skinny; not too obese. relatively tanned. short-sighted-but covers it up. pretty (;
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